Here’s a dumb fun fact for your silly willy faces: The first Saints Row game to ever be released was made for Nokia Flip Phones. Mhm, you know it. Using a fucking dial pad to play poorly programmed games in java. Dear God, the wrath of gaming hath no bounds. When we’re at the point of making and selling games that literally play worse than the Atari 2600 in 2006, you know we’re being desperate whores. But yes, there was a short-lived time when we played video games on a dial pad, and we also had a Saint’s Row game to play on it as well.
Though Volition had no real part in the creation of the game, THQ being the whores they are thought the product would go well under their THQ Wireless division. It was developed entirely by Mnemonic Studios Ltd, who were known for titles such as ‘Hello Kitty’ and ‘Action Soldier,’ while THQ Wireless aided development with an overview of the story and other information provided by Volition while Saints Row 1 was still being developed.
Because of this, the Saints Row mobile game still had the Saints wearing green, the Saints original color before Volition wanted to distance themselves from San Andreas. The official switch to purple took place some time in 2005, so the mobile game was finished at least a year before Saints Row was ever released. So yes, it is technically the very first game in the series. And it is completely fucking horrible.
The game is just putrid acidic vomit. The kind of bile that you have after drinking a carton of curdled sour milk. In other words, playing it makes me fucking sick. The main issue is driving. It just doesn’t work properly. It is the most inconvenient thing in the game. You’re better off walking around shooting things, but since most of the missions utilize a timer, you’re basically forced to drive for a majority of the game. The game is completely unplayable. Some missions are too buggy to even complete.
I think this game was actually a mistake too because something strange I’ve noticed is that the in-game advertisement for Saints Row mobile shows a completely different game. That game actually looks better! Whatever happened to that? We may never know..
THQ Wireless did, however, try again with Saints Row 2, and the results are a lot better. Don’t get me wrong here, the game still plays like cheap-ass but compared to first one, its.. oh my god.. it’s like drinking an ice cold glass of water after emerging from the hot dry desert. And if you’re a Saints Row fan, it’s kind of an amusing time killer too. Wouldn’t mind playing it. In fact, I’d recommend you give it a try! Click the link below for a download link to Saints Row 1 AND Saints Row 2 for mobile. Included is the best java emulator I could find, so it’s basically like a full blown kit of disaster conveniently put together just for you! If you want to save yourself the torment, I did a scathing review a few years ago where I show off the gameplay of both games. Check it out too, will ya!